Maintaining A Close Relationship With Your Parents

Maintaining Control As You Place Your Child For Adoption

Posted by on Jun 1, 2016 in Uncategorized | Comments Off on Maintaining Control As You Place Your Child For Adoption

The decision to place a child for adoption is one of the hardest choices a mother can face. Ultimately, if it’s the right decision, it is likely to be the most loving and self-sacrificing choice you ever make. The world of adoption can be scary, but the good news is that you do have choices. You can stay in control as you make decisions surrounding placing your precious child for adoption. 

Know Your Agency

Adoptions can be private or through an agency. A private adoption involves an adoption attorney, potential adoptive parents and you. Agreements and contracts are made through the attorney. Because this process is based on a legal arrangement, you may feel like you have little control. 

Alternatively, an adoption agency will typically have a list of potential adoptive parents to choose from and will help take you through the process. They should also explain each step to help you understand what is happening and which decisions you will need to make. 

There are lots of adoption agencies, so don’t be afraid to walk away from one that rubs you the wrong way. Here are some clues that an agency may not have your best interests at heart. 

  • An agency should not pressure you to place a child for adoption. This very difficult choice should be yours, and a good adoption agency will want you to make the right decision for you and your baby whether the decision is to parent or not. 
  • The agency shouldn’t push certain potential parents on you. When you are choosing adoptive parents for your baby, you will have a variety of choices. The specific family you choose is entirely up to you. A trusted agency can help you make that choice, but they shouldn’t be pressuring you to pick someone in particular. 
  • The agency should have good references from birth parents as well as adoptive parents. If the agency seems to be catering to the potential adoptive parents while dismissing the birth parents, that is a bad sign. 
  • The agency should be upfront and open with you about your right to change your mind. 

Remember that most adoption agencies are for profit. Because potential adoptive parents are paying the bills, some agencies will place their needs above yours. An agency like that is not the right one for you. 

Consider Your Ideal Adoptive Family

You have the right to be as involved in your adoption as you want to be. You also have a right not to be involved. 

Sometimes birth parents find it easier to allow the adoption agency to choose the adoptive parents. They may not even want to know anything about their baby’s parents because it’s just too painful. That is a valid choice, and you have the right to make it. 

Most birth parents do want to choose a family for their baby. Before you start browsing through potential families, it helps to have an idea of what you want. Here are some things to consider. 

  • Are you okay with your baby being raised by a single parent? 
  • Do you want your baby to have older siblings? 
  • Is it acceptable to you that your baby is adopted by a gay couple? 
  • Would you like your child to live in a rural, suburban or urban environment? 
  • Do you have preferences about the ethnicity of your child’s adoptive family? 
  • Do you want involvement in your child’s life? Some adoptive parents are open to this, and some are not. 

It’s easier to choose an adoptive family for your baby when you aren’t overwhelmed. You can take some of the difficulty away by understanding generally what you want for your baby. 


Once you have chosen an adoptive family for your baby, it is very important that you communicate with them. Keep them updated about your pregnancy, and make sure you talk to them on a regular basis. This is especially important if you are planning an open adoption where you will be able to visit the child. 

USA Today reports that 95% of infant adoptions in the United States are open in some way, even if it’s just through letters and pictures. It’s very important that you and the parents you have chosen have the same expectations about how the adoption will look. You can only do this by communicating. 

Placing your child for adoption is a painful choice, but it can be the right decision for you and your baby. You can maintain control over this process by thinking through your decisions and standing up for your rights. 

For more information and details, talk with an adoption agency or check out different weblinks.